How to make your own Anus-Shaped Male Masturbator
So, you’re looking to tap that back door but your partner won’t let you!?
So, you are lusting after some hardcore Greek, but you just ain’t got the Tzaziki to dip in….
Have no fear! We’ve got your back (side)
We’ll show you how to make an ultra-low-tech male masturbator with an entrance mimicking an anus, with stuff you are most likely to have laying around the house.
Today we will help you MacGyver the most popular sphincter in the human body.
1. The Mise en Place
For this sexy, sloppy, messy build you will need the following materials
- 2 Slithers of Bubblewrap
- Vaseline
- 2 unpowdered rubber gloves
- A Sock (preferably clean and soft)
- A tall plastic Cup
- A condom
- Poster Tack
- Rubber bands
- Some Marbles
- Gaffer Tape
- Scissors
- A Stuffed Pillow
2a. Place the Poster Tack
Place half of the poster tack in the middle of a slither of bubble wrap. Alternatively, you could use some playdoh instead
2b. Add a Couple of Marbles
To create an interesting sensation upon penetration you can add a couple of marbles to flesh out the bubble wrap package.
3. Cut Down to Size
Fold over the bubble wrap, folding the bubble wrap 2 inches above the poster tack. Place the package next to your tall plastic cup and cut off the excess wrapping material.
4. Tape Dat Thang the f00k up!
Seal the edges of the package snuggly with the gaffer tape.
5. Double up
Repeat the previous steps so that you end up with two Marble-stuffed bubble wrap packages of the same size. These two packs will form the core of the phuck-tunnel for your homemade male masturbator.
6. Two Plucks, One Cup
Utilisar las tijeras to cut a hole in the pillow. Grab two claws full of stuffing and put them in the bottom of your cup.
You will need plenty of cushion for the pushin’
7. I Glove it tight
Sandwich one of the latex gloves between the marble-goodness. Make sure the glove extends at least an inch and a half over the top rim of the marble package.
8. El Burrito Sexual
Put both marble packages with the glove inside into the tall cup. Start adding as much stuffing to your Passion Burrito as you deem sexy.
This is your chance to really stuff that hole, even before you drop your pants! Leave enough room to fold the flappy edges of the marble packages over the sides of your fappy-cup.
9. The Funnel of Love
Fold the glove over the edges of the tall cup to hold the marble package and the stuffing inside in place.
If you’d want you could already go all Wanda Jackson on this toy right now and dive deep into the funnel of love,.. but I know you want more out of your low-budget sexperience.
You want to signa that culo! Am I right? Am I right,… (trying to keep this plastic monstrosity as exotic as I can with my limited amount of Spanish skills)
10. Creating the Sphincter
Cut the sock open at both ends so that you are left with a pipe shape. Do the same to the condom, cutting off a piece so that it matches the length of your sock.
Put the condom inside the sock. Add 2 or three rubber bands around the middle of the sock. Not too tight not to lose. Roll the condom and the sock over on itself, creating a perverted donut with the condom on the outside of it. you must be able to insert three fingers through the hole. if it feels snug, you know ur on the right track. if it feels too loose,.. open the donut up and add a rubber band. Close the donut back up like before when you are done.
11. Through the loophole
Pull your second unpowdered latex glove through the pleasure donut.
12. Mounting Dat Ass
Place the faux-anus over the fap funnel and make sure the glove goes in well.
13. The Rim Job
Add some more stuffing and marbles under the rim of the top glove, to create a texture that is pleasing to you.
14. Lube That Cock Monster up!
So, there you have it. A super messy sticky tight arse-simulator.
I dub it; The Rectal Riot 6000.
Extremely low-tech, extremely yucky, but it gets the job done. Quick and dirty, rough and ready!
The Pro’s
- About 4 dollars to make
- Disposable top part
- It’ll drain your sack
- Perfect to pester your co-workers with
The Con’s
- It feels like a glove with vaseline
- You’re fucking a glove with vaseline
- Try getting vaseline out of your pubes without taking a 30-minute bath
- You’ll get vaseline on your couch,… I just know you will
- Your roommate or partner will complain about the hole you’ve cut in their throw pillow.
Our Advice
Do your self a favor. No amount of home built, frugal, 4 dollar male masturbator can hold a candle to a designer sex toy.
Allow yourself the pleasure so many have already discovered and treat yourself to a proper Keon by Kiiroo.
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