An interview with Nereida Deadlysin
There’s a reason why bondage attracts the eyes of many. Being tied up is more than just the physical; there’s a mental element. For those being tied up, they need to trust their partner and learn to let go. Through bondage, people learn to communicate, develop trust, and learn their body’s reaction when challenged.
That said, there does come a risk of bodily harm. Bondage isn’t a skill you pick up immediately; it’s an art that needs to be learned and understood. Using the wrong material or tying methods can cause severe nerve damage or other long-term harm. The BDSM community understands the seriousness of using bondage, which is why there’s a heavy emphasis on safety and learning the basics of rope material, placement, and knots.
However, as BDSM becomes more mainstream, eager beginners skip the basics and dive into it head-on. This is a big no-no. Using the wrong rope could be fatal. To get more insight about bondage and the essential steps to take when practicing bondage, I spoke with latex lover, fetish model, and kink enthusiast Nereida Deadlysin.
Nereida shares with us her knowledge on the importance of rope material for bondage. The mental and emotional requirements both partners need for a successful bondage session, and helpful tips for beginners. For Nereida and the BDSM community, bondage is more than just rope play; it’s about connecting with oneself and another person safely.
1. How did you discover BDSM?
Well, I always liked the role of a masculine sub in bed, but I didn't know it was actually a thing, like that there was an actual community for it and that other people like it. So, many years ago, I started to look for this on Google and discovered the world of BDSM. And then I came to Amsterdam to visit before I started living here seven years ago.
I was seeing all the things going on here, the sexuality, the open-mindedness, fetish parties. I went to my first fetish party, and I haven't stopped since. I love how people can be themselves and that the community is super respectful, and eventually, it becomes a way of life. I don't see my life in another way; I'm totally in this, and I love it.
2. What do you like about bondage?
I think it's very nice that you are tied up, and you need to surrender to someone, to your partner or your master. It's an amazing feeling because you need to trust them and let go.
Even if you're a control freak, you need to let go because you can't do anything. It builds big trust with your partner or master, but they really need to know what they're doing because these sessions, short or long, can be very emotional.
3. BSDM, particularly bondage, has become more mainstream. Do movies like 50 Shades of Grey or 365 do justice for the BSDM community?
Movies like those are very soft, so people who are really into BDSM don't like them because they don't show what BDSM is. However, it can be a good start for people outside of the BDSM world because what they show in the movies is soft.
The movie 365 is horrible, I watched it, and it has nothing to do with BDSM because BDSM is about consent, and both sides have to be pleased. If one side is suffering, it's not consent anymore.
4. Does bondage require skill? Or is it an ideal beginner’s option when trying BDSM?
You really need to know what you're doing because you can really harm someone or yourself, and the injuries can be irreversible. So, yes, you can watch videos on YouTube to get an idea of how to tie the knots, but the most important thing is the suspension.
In suspension, you put all your weight onto the ropes, so you really need to know where exactly to place them on the body to prevent damaging any nerves. Look for a nice workshop where you can learn about bondage and then practice, practice, practice.
5. Why are ropes not included in novelty bondage sets?
There are some bondage sets that include rope, but they’re normal cotton rope. The novelty sets are more based on play and have fun - not really for bondage. They’re not designed to teach people how to use ropes, more like to tie someone up on a chair, and that’s it.
6. Are there specific safety elements people need to be aware of when using bondage?
Yes, there are many things you need to be aware of because you can really damage someone's body. The most important thing for the person tied up is to be relaxed and open because you can freak out mentally.
The dominant needs to ask questions, How do you feel? How are you? Do you feel this or that? The person tied up needs to feel their body because going numb is not a good sign.
You need to really be aware of the other person's feelings because bondage isn't only physical; it's mentally challenging since they need to let go and surrender to their partner. So, there's a lot of things to be aware of before doing this.
7. For bondage, does the material of the rope matter? If so, why?
Yes, rope material does matter. It's best for bondage to use natural products like jute, hemp, or bamboo because they're easy to use and don't burn the skin. Those natural ropes are also the best for suspension.
The cotton ropes are for sexual bondages - to put it in the mouth or around your genitals because the cotton rope is easy to wash. However, cotton ropes are not good for suspension because they're elastic. And when you suspend the body, the knot tightens, which isn't good for suspension. Synthetic ropes are more decorative for corsets and the body because they come in different colors and don't burn the skin, but it lacks softness.
8. For people who are beginners, what advice do you have for them when starting with bondage?
For anyone who is interested in bondage, just go for it. Don't get lazy, because it does take effort to learn. But the more enthusiastic you are, the more you move further with it. And after, you're gonna love it.
You also discover how your body reacts in different states and feel your body in ways you didn't think was possible - bondage does that. So, do it safely, and find a partner who's into it, so you don't have to be ashamed because it's still a little taboo. So, have fun and go for it!
For people interested in bondage, it gives you the opportunity to learn about yourself and develop a deep trust with your partner. However, it does come with serious risks.
Not all ropes are made the same and knowing the differences between them and how to place them on the body are crucial. As Nereida says, though bondage is an emotionally freeing experience, taking a workshop to understand the basics can potentially prevent long-term harm or save a life.
WRITTEN BY
Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degree in Criminology and continued and finished her Masters in Investigative Psychology, but then decided to follow her true passion of writing.
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