It’s almost Valentine’s

A solo Valentine’s. It’s an image that has been depicted in TV and movies throughout the years with a fair degree of lamentation and despair. But is that really fair (or even accurate)?

In a 2015 survey of 3,485 individuals aged 15 to 25 InSites Consulting found that 80% of Americans in this age range officially identified as single. A UK survey addressing those 16 or older (a much broader spectrum) statistics also showed that 33.9% of individuals identified as single, and we could go on and on with similar statistics.

That’s a whole lot of single people that probably don’t fit the stereotype of the ‘depressed loner’ that society likes to present to us.

What Does This Mean To Me?

Obviously it can be hard to personalise statistics and we here at Kiiroo are not statisticians or anything of the sort but when looking at these numbers we’re inclined to come to one pretty strong conclusion:
Being single is absolutely normal and nothing to feel ashamed or isolated about.
If you’re single on Valentine’s Day then (depending on your age group) you might even be in the majority, which is a huge break from the way we like to imagine the season of love.
So if you’re feeling down in the dumps on Valentine’s Day then try to affirm yourself with these statistics.

You may be single but you’re definitely not alone, far from it!

And, if you’re struggling, here are our top tips for practicing some self-love over the conventional ‘couples’ season’.

Get Out Of The House!

There’s a well-worn stereotype around the single individual at Valentine’s Day that involves them sitting indoor all day, typically in their PJs and typically with a big tub of ice cream close by.

While there’s certainly nothing wrong with this tactic if it works a lot of people may feel inclined to participate in this stereotype because it’s simply what’s expected for a single person at Valentine’s.

Again, PJs and ice cream are both fantastic, but there tends to be an attached association with these items on Valentine’s Day that encourages a sense of wallowing or self-loathing.

If at any point you feel like this might apply to you then it’s time to break with tradition and show the world that you’re going to celebrate Valentine’s on your own terms and not their expectations.

Treat yourself to a nice day out. Perhaps go to your local zoo or gallery. Find something to do that is inspiring and self-supporting. Take photos, maybe even post them on social media. Affirm to yourself and those around you that being single on Valentine’s is just another invitation to see what the world has in store for you, no strings attached.

Pamper Yourself

This is more in line with the PJs and ice cream approach but with less shame and more compassion.

If Valentine’s Day is a day for love then take the invitation to show yourself some love and be kind to your body and mind in every way possible.

Take a nice warm bubble bath. Get some luxury oils and treat yourself to some self-massage (no one knows how to iron out all those pesky kinks better than yourself). Eat and drink what makes you feel good for the sake of feeling good rather than out of boredom or sheer comfort (this may be ice cream but it may also be a super healthy and colourful-looking salad).

It’s also worth remembering that ‘pampering’ comes in many forms and the way you treat yourself doesn’t have to conform to the way someone else might. If you’re a fitness nut then you might decide that the best form of self-love is a day of setting (and smashing) goals and that’s perfectly acceptable too. In fact it’s pretty damned awesome, as fitness has been linked to improved moods.

Write A Love Letter To Yourself

As much as we’re pushing empowerment and positivity we get it—Valentine’s Day can be very rough for some people.

If you’re one of those individuals then it’s especially important that you take care of yourself this year (and in the long-run) by approaching the day with consideration, leniency, and any and all self-care tactics that you think will help.

Our added suggestion? Write yourself a letter. Put down all of your feelings about the day—where you’re at emotionally, why you feel this way, how that makes you feel. Acknowledge that you’re hurting but never beat yourself up about it, simply share your feelings with yourself.

Then take the time to write some encouragement for yourself—kind words or fond memories that will help you during this rough time. Write it as if you were comforting someone that you love dearly who was going through the same circumstances. Be kind. Be loving.

Sometimes just getting your emotions out in the open can be a huge relief. But, more so, take the time to place this letter in an envelope and store it somewhere for next year. Then when the next Valentine’s rolls along you can open it up, see where you were a year ago, how much has changed since then, and hear words of encouragement and support to you from you.

Things can’t get much more self-loving than that.

Just Treat It Like Any Other Day

You could do any (or all) of the above suggestions or you could do nothing at all.

Yup. You heard us correctly.

You’re single so you have absolutely no obligation to participate in Valentine’s Day, or even to acknowledge it. You don’t need to scramble for dinner reservations, or spend money on slowly dying plants or tacky chocolate boxes. You don’t even need to interrupt your normal masturbatory habits with something special (though you totally can if you wish). Today is just one more day.

This, in itself, opens up a fantastic opportunity to engage in more self-love too. You’re not being kind to yourself because it’s Valentine’s Day—you’re not restricted to a single day of self-love. You’re being kind to yourself because it’s the best thing to do for your own happiness and should be how you treat yourself on any given day.

So don’t feel the need to engage in Valentine’s Day if you don’t want to but remember: Your existence as a single person is completely normal and you do not deserve to be any less loving or kind to yourself as a result of this status. You’re awesome!

Written by:

Dr. Emmeline Peaches
Follow Emmeline on Twitter